Thoughts for the Day - The heart of a child... Lessons in caring for others

Today I went into the city with my family, and before going home we stopped by a little burger joint to avoid rush hour traffic.  It's a bit of a eclectic part of town to say the least, and has a lot for the eyes to absorb.  In keeping with the surrounding the place we stopped at only has a walk up counter with all windows.  Like usual my daughter wanted to go up and order for herself, but this time she was more enthralled with all the pigeons and then starting noticing all the people around that weren't in line.  She started to tell me how many of them had signs, and that this one boy looked very sad. 

As I was trying to remember the order I was also trying to remain keenly aware of my surroundings, and had a hand on my little girl at all times.  She tried to push my hand a way, but I kept putting it on her as a security blanket trying to protect her from the world.  Finally, we got our order and made our way back to the car.  When we arrived she started looking through her little purse.  I asked her what she was doing, and she said she wanted to give the sad boy some of her money.  After finding what she needed we walked up to this young man, and she handed him some money.  He looked surprised and elated to see this little girl sharing her money with him. 

Afterwards I praised her for her kindness, and then I asked her how she knew what he had written on his sign.  She said, "Daddy he just looked sad, and I knew if he had a sign he needed some money."  During this whole event I was maintaining an awareness of our surroundings which meant sense, but lost sight of the people in need.  It took a child's heart to reach out and care for another.  It amazes me everyday what that little cutie says and does.  I'm thankful that this world still has the heart of children to teach us how to see and care for the needs of others.

Here are some thoughts for your day.  Take care.  Dave

“All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being 

not just with my hands but with my heart.”

― Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, 

a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, 

or the smallest act of caring, 

all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

― Leo Buscaglia

“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection 

- or compassionate action.”

― Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships 

“Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion, and empathy.”

― Dean Koontz

“I believe empathy is the most essential quality of civilization.”

― Roger Ebert

Transitions - The turnstyle of life

 

Transitions - The turn style of life

I'm sure this image provides a familiar and often frustrating memory for many of us.  Whether it was hopping on a subway in some urban destination, trying to quickly get through it for the big game, or dragging our kids off to the state fair for some fun.  Each of us can relate to using a turn style as a means to get to our final destination.  The thing that I remember most about my experience with turn styles is the challenge I had getting through when I rushed the process or was impatient.  When I took my time I was easily able to get through and to where I was going.

I believe the transitions in our lives can be very similar to getting through the turn style.  When we understand that going through these brief barriers is just part of the journey, it can prevent us from getting stuck in life.  Here are three ways to successfully transition through the turn styles in our lives:

•  Define the Why? - If you're facing a transition in your life whether it's a new job, a change in your health, a new relationship, or possibly some unplanned event, try to look for the why?  Some people may be thinking that's crazy especially for an unforeseen barrier, but why is it?  If we look at the history in our lives we each have travelled down various paths to get to our current destination.  Did those twists and turns teach you anything or did they give you new insights you didn't have previously?  Transitions are the gate way to changes in our lives, but to minimize the frustration and avoid getting stuck we need to first define the Why?

• Enjoy the Moment - The turn style is also the mechanism that slows down progress.  Think about that big game or concert that you couldn't wait to see, but all of the sudden the line to a screeching halt.  What tends to be our first reaction?  I must admit for me that it can be frustrating, but is that helping the line to move quicker?  When I stop to realize that I'm still going to get in, then I have the freedom to mingle with the people around me or drink a beer while I wait.  When we're going through the transitions in life we need to enjoy every part of the journey.  We never know when we may meet that special person or be exposed to a priceless nugget of wisdom that could positively impact our life.

• Believe in the future - Have you ever been asked the age old question, "Is the glass half full or half empty?"  I'm sure we've all encountered that question at some time in our lives.  What was that person asking trying to discern?  For me they were trying to determine my perspective on the situation, and wanted to see how I face the challenge.  Going through transitions in life are challenging for each of us, but how we respond can determine the experience.  That glass of milk, water, or even a shot of whiskey isn't really the focus of the question, but your mindset.  In a transition we must remind ourselves of why we're on the journey, stop and smell the roses along the way, and finally believe that it will eventually lead to greener pastures.

I hope you can get through the turn style in your life today, and enjoy the journey you're on to the next great experience in your life.

“You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore.”
― William Faulkner

“It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars.”
― Richard Evans

“I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death.”
― Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom: Autobiography of Nelson Mandela   

Sometimes it seems like a gray sky even when it's sunny and bright.  In those times that everyone experiences how do we get back to the sun?  Here are some quotes by some folks that have some insight on that issue.  I hope this will bring back the rays and warmth if you're feeling blue today.

Take care, Dave.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
― Maya Angelou

“Never, never, never give in!”
― Winston S. Churchill

“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
― Thomas A. Edison

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
             but to be fearless in facing them.  Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, 

but for the heart to conquer it.”
― Rabindranath Tagore, Collected Poems and Plays of Rabindranath Tagore

A Story of True Courage - 4 Ways to overcome challenges in the boxing ring of life...

Good Morning,

I wanted to share a story with you today of true courage that I'm sure will resonate with many of you who have experienced challenges and adversity in your lives.  For the past ten years the woman in this photo has been battling a non-malignant brain tumor that has taken her to various providers, through many surgeries, bouts of treatment, and has taken part of her physically.  During these difficulties she has remained a picture of strength, showed kindness for others, and looked for ways to reach out to inspire people in their own personal battles.

This beautiful lady (my wife) has shown me how to be a true fighter, and to learn how to break through barriers in our lives.  This journey has been difficult, but has provided the opportunity to grow by clarifying what matters in life.  

4 ways that I've learned from her to break through the barriers in the boxing ring of  life

Be Agile - When life is throwing punches your direction you have to know how to bob and weave, duck, and move around the ring.  Having the ability to change with the various challenges is vital to surviving.  Throughout the years I've seen my wife deal gracefully with being treated poorly at times, staying positive when answers were no where to be found, and continue standing after being hit by a sucker punch that her tumor was back with a vengeance.  Agility is a key component of overcoming the challenges faced when you've stepped into life's boxing ring.

Be Positive - Obstacles will enter into our lives without warning, and we must look at the situation with a hopeful perspective.  It's not an easy task, but holding firm to thoughts that there is the possibility things can change for the better will prevent a defeatist attitude.  During tough times make a list of the positive things in your life, and reflect on how great it is to have these passions, people, and purposes in your life.  When you look through a positive prism it quickly diminishes the size of the obstacle your facing, and you can get off the stool in the corner of the ring and continue fighting.

Be Generous - Meeting the needs of others is an effective way to minimize the negative introspection that can occur when facing difficulties in life that seem overwhelming.  By looking for opportunities to brighten another's day you can gain more than you give.  Generosity will mitigate feelings of sadness, and help to build your confidence that you still have something meaningful to contribute others.  What you have to give may be your talents, a trinket, or your time can create that fan base necessary you need to be successful in the challenges faced in the boxing ring of life.  By putting these valuable resources to use for others you'll be able to go the distance in the prize fight of your life.

Be Victorious - It's the final round, and you must come out swinging to win the fight.  Thinking like a winner will provide the energy necessary to throw the blows needed to knock out the challenges you're facing.  Having the right mindset is essential for becoming a victor.  The next time you face that difficult opponent (challenge) in your life you have to remember the strengths you bring into the Ring of Life.  If someone asked you about yourself could you tell them what makes you special?  To be a victor you have to know with confidence that you're a special person with something to offer this world.  When you step into the ring and can duck when needed, remember the past fights you've won, and believe in the strength you possess then you'll overcome the challenges facing you in boxing ring of life.

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

Focus is the key to success - Don't look down just hold on...

  

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” – Benjamin Franklin

 “In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.” – Dwight Eisenhower

”Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now.” 
 Alan Lakein

“One reason so few of us achieves what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.” – Tony Robbins

“Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days.” 

Zig Ziglar

Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome... Going Beyond Life's Challenges

 

Good Morning,

Don't we all feel like were climbing a huge mountain sometimes.   I know I sure do when things don't seem to be going my way or unannounced challenges enter my life.  The big question for both you and me how should we respond during these times?

As some of you may have read on this site, I spent some time in the military with a good bunch of guys.  They were leathernecks, devil dogs, some may even call them jarheads, but they were resilient men who proudly held the title of United States Marines.  My experience with that organization formed much of my thinking about success and failure.  The Marine Corps had a motto that we lived by that was a commentary on how Marines are expected to deal with failure and challenges, "Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome".

One of my many stories that illustrate this concept was when we hiked into the mountains of Northern California.  In a matter of three days we covered more than 15 miles, and ascended from 2,000 to more than 8,000 feet with a ton of gear on our backs.  It was a grueling hike that took its toll on many.  A friend of friend of mine became one of the many who emulated our motto on that trip.
It started a few weeks prior to this exercise when he had purchased some new boots.  Much like each of us who were with the infantry he tried to find a pair of boots that were comfortable and would hold up to the rigors of the field.  During those weeks prior to the trip he ran in the boots, bathed them in mud while on field ops, and generally did everything he could to ensure these boots would protect and sustain his feet.

Sadly, this wasn't the case on our winter wonderland hike.  His boots became cold, and lacked pliability.  His boots began to start creating little hot spots all over his feet that turned into horrible blisters.  When we were half-way through the hike he came and got me to check his feet because he was in a ton of pain.  We quickly pulled his boots off, and all I saw were blood soaked socks.  The entire bottoms of his feet were covered with open blisters.  I quickly dressed his wounds, and was going to put him in the hummer when he stood up and starting walking away.  This trip was a rite of passage for him, a chance to prove to himself he could overcome obstacles and deal with painful challenges.  It was his opportunity to live the Corp's motto and be successful.

I'm surely not condoning abusing our bodies, but making the point that in life you and I sometimes face seemingly unbearable challenges.  Like my friend, we too can "Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome" when we believe in our cause and in ourselves.  Thank you for letting me share, and ramble a bit.

So, how are you going to "Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome" in your life today?  Whatever it may be, you can do it by believing in yourself, and figuring out how to beat that challenge.
 
Here are a couple quotes for your day:

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

“Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

 

“if you set your goals ridiculously high and its a failure, you will fail above everyone else success”
― James Cameron

Have a great Day!

Being Grateful - One of the Keys to Moving Forward in Life...

Gratitude - feeling or being grateful

How often do you stop throughout your day, and think about the good things in your life?  Completing that process is called being grateful.  One definition is “Having a sincere appreciation for both the people and possessions in your life”.  This feeling or emotion is often praised as the "father of all emotion".  I personally believe that most likely stems from the fact that every known major religion has an aspect of gratefulness in their practices.  Believers are exhorted to give thanks for the good in their lives, and in some faiths even in tough challenges.

Why does giving thanks matter?  That may seem like a silly question or not depending on your personal view of this emotion.  Either way, an attitude of gratitude has been proven to be a very beneficial component in the lives of people who remind themselves of the good in their lives.  There are a number of studies that support this concept, and have shown results that include improved health, mood, and better sleep all by saying thank you more often.

Wow!  So, how does someone start to increase the frequency of giving thanks?  I would imagine that each and every person reading this is thankful for many things in their lives, but may not verbalize that gratitude.  Taking the time to focus your mind, and really think about the good in your life is how outcomes improve according to these studies. ( http://www.socialemotions.org/page5/files/Bartlett.DeSteno.2006.pdf )

There are a couple of ways that you can experience the benefits of gratitude:

• Every morning when you wake up say one thing you're grateful for in your life.

• You can split up and say 5 things on one day as well.

• When you return home at the end of the day write down how grateful you are for the events that occurred during you day.

Start small, and see how you feel.  Try doing it every day for one week.  Let me know how it goes.  The nice thing about gratitude or being thankful is it can be a two way street.  You can give and receive, and enjoy the benefits no matter what direction you’re traveling.  Take care.

Dave

Putting Empathy Into Action: 7 Ways You Can Promote a Caring Society

Empathy is a term that defines a person's ability to identify or understand the life challenges faced by another that promotes compassion and action.  Most research points to two specific types of empathy that are exhibited by the general population.  The first is termed "Affective empathy" which is the ability to mirror another person's emotions by generating feelings in response to the emotions they show. (ex. another person crying)  The next type of empathy is "Cognitive empathy" which refers to the mental ability to identify or understand someones perspective.

It seems crazy that we need to discuss why empathy is important in our world, but the lack of it has created phenomenal social problems that seem to be causing society to regress.  The main reason this may be occurring is because people either don't understand how to empathize with others or may not understand the value that empathy can generate when it is put into action.  Just as it was discussed above, there are two specific types of empathy that can be utilized to affect our interactions with others.  The first was an emotional or instinctive response, and the other was a cognitive approach by analyzing a situation before responding.  Therefore, people can learn to become more empathetic just like learning to solve problems or think analytically.  Here are 7 ways to start increasing our empathy.

7 Ways to Put Empathy Into Action:  

Awareness:  The first action is to begin observing others behaviors and emotional responses to situations.  This can be accomplished by understanding the importance of reading body language, and improving your non-verbal communication skills.

Imagine:  Have you ever tried to imagine what it would be like to be in another person's predicament, and how it may make them feel to deal with that situation?  Start trying to force yourself to see another individuals perspective or point of view that differs from yours, and why their belief may elicit specific emotions.

Don't Assume:  Isn't it an easy thing to jump to conclusions?  For most of us it happens without even realizing what we're thinking.  It may be seeing someone who appears very different than us, and we automatically conjure up thoughts in our head concerning what that person may be like.  Putting empathy into action takes curbing our natural tendency to look for differences, and replace it with a cognitive effort for finding commonality with those we meet.

Meditation:  This word can mean so many different things to different people.  The point is to take time every day to be introspective, and evaluate thoughts and actions to ensure you're acting with empathy to others.  This time alone can refresh and renew you as you go through your busy day, and help you remain focused on putting empathy into action.

Read:  Specifically reading fiction allows the mind to connect with emotions and feelings, and has been shown to be effective in increasing empathetic abilities.  As you read it allows you to connect with the characters in the book, and identify with the storyline.  That sounds very similar to putting empathy into action.

Enjoy Interaction with Others:  This can be the act of pursuing a hobby or even playing competitive sports with others.  Through the interaction we are forced to observe the other person's actions, attitudes, and responses which help to improve the ability to put empathy into action.

Philanthropy:  No, not giving away a million dollars to strangers on the street.  It is the act of putting yourself in a situation to give to others, and identify with their challenges.  It also provides the opportunity to experience that "affective empathy" more regularly when you create possibilities to put empathy into action.

When these actions are practiced on a regular basis we can experience and see the benefits that occur by putting empathy into action.

• Generosity abounds
• Prejudice is reduced
• Relationships and intimacy improve
• Aggression and violence decrease with more understanding
• Equality between various groups of people increases
• People become healthier by reducing stress and depression
• Personal productivity increases with morale and better clarity
• People are led to risk leaving their comfort zone, and do extraordinary things for others (ex - people hiding Jewish families from the Nazis in WW2 without regard for their own safety - Courage)

How can we create a more caring society that benefits everyone, and improves quality of life?  Putting empathy into action is a small step that each of us can take each day to start affecting relationships with others, our communities, and our world in a positive way that will lead to a better understanding of our fellow man.  Everyone starts a journey by taking the first step.  Step out today, and start looking for ways to increase your impact on others by putting empathy into action.
Take care, and I wish you all the best.

Dave

Midlife Crisis Ahead - 7 ways to prevent a crisis through positive action...

So what is a mid-life crisis, and how can we avoid the perils it may cause in our lives to derail us from the goals and happiness we want.  Recently I've been focusing on ten thoughts in my life that are holding this crisis at bay, and are generating positive action in my life.

According to Wikipedia the following is true about a midlife crisis,

Midlife crisis is a term first coined by Elliott Jaques referring to a critical phase in human development during the forties to early sixties, based on the character of change points, or periods of transition. The period is said to vary among individuals and between men and women.^[1] Despite popular perception of this phenomenon, empirical research has failed to show that the midlife crisis is a universal experience, or even a real condition at all.^[2]

According to psychologist and writer Oliver Robinson, a life crisis is defined as a period characterized by unstable mental and emotional health, altering the course of their lives and affecting them for a year or longer. Life crises usually have similar characteristics for each age group. Those in the early midlife stage are more likely to experience the deaths of loved ones, while declines in physical strength and vitality and impending death or work stoppage are more likely to affect people in late midlife. Effects of crises vary from being beneficial to some and life altering in a negative way for others. About half the people studied found results of their crises to be positive.^[3]

Midlife is also significant as a time adults come to realize their own mortality.^[4] A mid-life crisis is experienced by some people as they realize they have reached a midpoint in their lifespan and experience conflicts or dissatisfaction within themselves because of unrealized goals, self-perceptions or physical changes as a result of aging or health issues.^[5] Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. Additionally, when experiencing a mid-life crisis, people may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in areas such as career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, finances, or physical appearance.

I'm 45, so I'm right in that perfect window to experience that famous midlife crisis.  I suppose it's only natural to look at your life because when you enter the middle portion of life there are numerous changes that occur.  I'm starting to recognize changes in my parents that make me realize that time is passing quickly, my body doesn't look like it did when I was running with a bunch of Marines in my twenties, hair is growing where hair shouldn't be growing, I've realized that I'm not that dumb young kid anymore that doesn't know anything because I know at least one thing, and for those of us with kids they're becoming independent as they ration their hugs and kisses.  At least some of your kids are becoming independent.  My three year old daughter thinks she is more each day, but I'm just contemplating how much Geritol I'll need to keep up with her as she grows. :)   Therefore, our lives are often referred to as races because we run through various stages, experience the highs and lows, and must possess both the right mindset and perseverance to finish the race with a sense of pride and satisfaction.

I'm not sure where you are in the age spectrum, but here are 7 ways that has helped me to continue running successfully through the middle stage of my life's race.

• Stay Positive - Remember it's just a phase on life on your journey to a successful lasting legacy.  When you allow your mind to look at your current circumstances with a positive perspective, new opportunities can be realized that will propel your success into the next decades of your life.

• Evaluate Your Successes - Everyone can immediately remember the times that they've failed in life, and sadly those events usually sit in the forefront of our minds.  To avoid succumbing to the challenge of a midlife crisis focus on your successes both big and small.  These events should help you remember the amazing journey you've had that has resulted in a number of achievements that should make you swell with pride.

• Remember You're Important - This may sound strange, but think about the reasons why a midlife crisis may occur for someone.  What's the catalyst?  When we truly look at the cause it stems from a feeling of inadequacy.  Not just tied to your successes and failures, but sometimes a sense that you don't matter.  That's a bunch of @#$%!  Think about all the people in your life that love you.  Not because of what you've done, but purely because of the special person you are that brings joy to their life.  Focusing on how important you are will keep the crisis at bay, and should help you look in the mirror with a smile. 

• Rediscover an Interest or Talent -  When life gets busy, as it does when you enter the middle stages of life, things you enjoyed doing sometimes fall by the wayside.  I remember as a kid my Dad would come to our sporting events, work in the yard, go to work, volunteer to be a part of a committee.  What I don't remember is my Dad getting to take many chances to play golf or go fishing.  Now that I'm at this point in my life I fully understand why because he was sacrificing those interests for the family he loved.  I'm sure we're all doing that, but we also need to remember what it's like to go back to that thing we once loved.  Taking time to sit a the piano, take out the sketch pad, play a sport you enjoy, or spend time in the outdoors may be some of the lost joys that need to be rekindled in our lives.  Preventing a midlife crisis can happen when we make time create the balance the play and work in our lives. 

• Manage Your Stress - That seems to be a constant theme these days with the increased demands people are experiencing in their personal and professional lives.  Each of is very unique, and respond to the stress in our lives very differently.  The key is to find a healthy mechanism that fits your needs, and works to minimize the negative stress that is impacting your life.  Here is link to a couple of things that may be beneficial to you 4 ways using your mind can reduce your stress  and The story behind stress

• Make a Difference - We all need to feel life our life means something.  That's the whole reason for the midlife crisis in the first place.  We get to a point in our lives where we question what we've done for others, for our community, and to make ourselves better people.  During the stage of life when these feelings and questions arise it's easy to dismiss any negativity if you're actively involved in making a difference.  That can be by being the most nurturing person you can to those important in your life, seeking out a cause that drives positive change, or work on your own personal development.  By becoming better people the other two actions will naturally occur.

• Make a Plan -  It's like training for that 5k you want to successfully complete to prove you haven't become some tired old fart.  It will never happen if you don't figure out the time and effort it will take to realize your goal or dream.  Therefore, we need to make a plan of how we will navigate our race through the middle section of our life to avoid that looming midlife crisis.  Start thinking about the things that are important to you in your life or the changes that you haven't quite achieved.  List out these goals or dreams with a specific action of how you can make them a reality as you continue running your race.  Have fun, and start filling that bucket.  Races are much like life, there's a lot of anticipation and preparation that occurs for something that seems to happen so quickly if you're just sitting in the stands.  Let's hop on the track and make this a race to remember.

Here's some of the things that I jotted down after pondering how I've been running my race.

1. I want to tell the important people in my life how much I love them everyday.
2. I want to let my daughter know why making choices in life is so important to our futures.
3. I want my daughter to know she will always have our love no matter what she does.
4. I want to share with my daughter what I believe is true about hope, love, and faith.
5. I want to challenge myself everyday to look for ways to impact the world positively.
6. I want to show another person kindness everyday.
7. I want my wife to know she is the glue that holds my world and heart together.
8. I want to take risks even when those around me can't understand my hopes and dreams.
9. I want to provide a positive interaction with every person that crosses my path.
10. I want to write down my story, so my daughter will see the amazing joy we can have in life.